Introduction

Learn how to identify my core values using a simple 4-step method. Discover what truly drives you and shapes your decisions—so you can live with clarity and purpose.

Have you ever felt torn between two choices—even when neither option felt completely right? Or maybe you’ve followed a path that looked impressive from the outside but felt strangely empty on the inside. If so, you’re not alone. Thousands of people struggle with this quiet inner conflict simply because they’ve never paused to ask one transformational question: “What do I truly value?”

Understanding your core values isn’t just a personal development exercise—it’s the foundation of emotional alignment, life clarity, confidence, and meaningful decision-making. It affects how you choose your relationships, your work, your boundaries, your goals, and even your definition of success. And yet, most people go their entire lives without consciously identifying their values.

This article is a complete, research-backed, experience-rich guide on how to identify my core values using The Simple 4-Step Guide on How to Identify Your Core Values, a proven framework I’ve used with professionals, entrepreneurs, students, and leaders from diverse backgrounds.

You’ll learn the behavioural psychology behind how values shape human decisions, real case studies from training sessions I’ve conducted, and step-by-step tools you can apply immediately. Whether you’re navigating a life transition, healing from burnout, seeking direction, or simply wanting to align your life with who you truly are—this guide is your starting point.

What Are Core Values & Why Do They Matter?

Core values are the deeply held beliefs that guide your decisions, attitudes, and behaviours. They are the invisible internal compass shaping what feels right, meaningful, fulfilling, or in conflict.

According to the Harvard Business Review, values are the most reliable predictors of long-term behaviour and alignment. Psychology also supports this—studies on Self-Determination Theory show that alignment with personal values increases life satisfaction, motivation, and emotional resilience.

In simple words:

👉 Values = What matters most to you, beyond external expectations.

Some people value adventure.
Some value security.
Some value creativity.
Some value compassion.
Some value independence.

There is no right or wrong.
There is only alignment or misalignment.

Signs You’re Not Living Your Core Values

Before we learn how to identify my core values, here are subtle signs your values are unclear or unmet:

• Feeling internally conflicted even when life “looks good”
• Emotional exhaustion without clear reasons
• Difficulty making decisions
• Having goals that don’t excite you
• Repeatedly choosing things that don’t feel aligned
• Feeling guilty for prioritizing your own needs
• Irritability, frustration, or loss of direction

In my workshops, people often realize that their stress isn’t from work or relationships—it’s from living out of alignment with values they weren’t even aware of.

The Simple 4-Step Guide on How to Identify Your Core Values

Here begins the core framework.

Step 1 — Reflect on Your Peak Moments

Psychology research shows that emotionally intense moments—positive or negative—reveal what we value most. This step helps you identify the emotional markers that point to your true priorities.

Ask Yourself:

1. What moments in life made me feel deeply fulfilled?
2. When did I feel proud of myself?
3. Which achievements felt meaningful—not just impressive?

Example (Real-Life Coaching Experience)

A client once told me that the most meaningful moment of her life was not when she got promoted—but when she mentored a junior employee who later succeeded.
That revealed her core values were impact, growth, and service, not prestige or status.

Your Task:

Write down 5–7 peak moments and note what made each meaningful.

Peak experiences act like a spotlight revealing what brings you joy, fulfillment, and meaning.

According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, peak experiences are “moments of highest happiness or self-actualization.” These moments uncover what your mind and soul naturally move toward.

Why Peak Moments Reveal Values

Because values fuel emotions.
Whenever you felt deeply satisfied, a hidden value was being honored.

Deeper Coaching Questions:

• What activities make you forget time?
• When did you feel “this is who I truly am”?
• What were you doing the last time you felt at your best?
• What are accomplishments you cherish even if nobody else praises them?

Real-Life Example 1: Entrepreneur Story

I once coached a young entrepreneur who thought his core value was success.
But when we examined his peak moments, he consistently described events where he helped people solve difficult problems.
His true values were innovation, service, and problem-solving.

He later pivoted to building solutions-focused products instead of chasing trends—and his business exploded.

Real-Life Example 2: Student Transformation

A college student felt aimless and unmotivated.
While revisiting peak experiences, she realized her happiest moment was organizing a student-led blood donation drive.
This revealed the values of leadership, impact, and community.

When she shifted her academic path toward social work and youth development, she said:

“For the first time, life makes sense.”

Step 2 — Identify Your Trigger Moments

Just like positive moments reveal values, negative ones reveal violated values.

Reflect On:

• When did I feel angry or frustrated?
• When did I feel disrespected?
• What situations felt draining or “wrong”?

Example (Training Session Insight)

During a leadership workshop, one participant realized he got extremely frustrated when people didn’t follow through on commitments.
This revealed his values: responsibility, integrity, and trust.

Your Task:

Write 5–7 moments where you felt upset or uncomfortable. Ask: What value was violated here?

If peak moments reveal alignment, trigger moments reveal violation.

Why Negative Emotions Hold Clues

Neuroscience shows that emotional discomfort activates the brain’s threat system.
This is usually a sign that something important—your values—is being challenged.

Advanced Reflection Prompts:

• What situations make me feel “this isn’t okay”?
• When have I felt my boundaries were crossed?
• What behaviors do I absolutely not tolerate?
• What frustrates me repeatedly, even in different environments?

Real-Life Example 1: Workplace Conflict

A corporate manager kept clashing with his team over missed deadlines.
He thought they were “lazy,” but during reflection he realized something deeper:

His value of discipline and commitment was being violated.

Once he communicated this clearly (instead of assuming), team dynamics improved drastically.

Real-Life Example 2: Relationship Insight

A woman constantly felt hurt when her partner made decisions without consulting her.
When she explored this trigger, she discovered her value was partnership and equality.

Once she expressed this value, the relationship finally felt balanced.

Trigger moments don’t show weakness.
They show your values protecting you.

Step 3 — Extract Value Themes

Now that you have emotional data, cluster them into themes. For example:

• Moments of mentoring → Growth, Contribution, Service
• Moments of frustration when unheard → Respect, Communication
• Moments of joy in learning → Curiosity, Knowledge, Self-improvement

Pro Tip:

Values are always emotional.
If it doesn’t evoke emotion, it’s not a core value.

At this stage, we begin connecting emotional dots.

How to Find Themes

You will likely notice repeating concepts such as:

• Growth
• Commitment
• Authenticity
• Freedom
• Stability
• Creativity
• Impact
• Connection

Value Clustering Exercise (Used in Training Programs)

Step A — List all emotional words that came up
Step B — Sort them into groups
Step C — Give each group a “value title”

Example:

Group 1: Learning, curiosity, reading, courses → Growth
Group 2: Helping, teaching, mentoring → Contribution
Group 3: Silence, reflection, solitude → Inner peace

Important Note:

A person can have many values, but not all are core.
Core values show up across decades and major life milestones.

Step 4 — Prioritize Your Top 5 Non-Negotiable Values

This is the most important part.
You will end up with 10–20 values—but only 5–7 truly define your life.

To prioritize, ask yourself:

1. If I had to choose between these two values, which would I pick?
2. Which values show up in ALL major life decisions?
3. Which values, if violated, make me feel deeply uncomfortable?

Example (Corporate Coaching Case Study)

An executive identified 12 values but struggled to prioritize.
After a value-elimination exercise, she discovered her non-negotiables were:

• Freedom
• Creativity
• Family
• Authenticity
• Growth

This is where clarity becomes power.

Value Prioritization Techniques

Here are 3 methods used in leadership institutes (including ones referenced by Harvard leadership frameworks):

A. Forced Choice Method

Pick between two values:

• Freedom or Stability?
• Achievement or Peace?
• Family or Growth?

This reveals your non-negotiables.

B. Visualizing the Future Method

Imagine your life 10 years from now.
Which values MUST be present for that version of you to thrive?

C. Regret Test

Ask:
“If I lived 5 years violating this value, would I regret it deeply?”

The ones that hurt the most are core values.

This clarity helped her recognize why she felt suffocated in a rigid corporate job—her value freedom was being crushed. Soon, she transitioned to consulting and described it as “finally breathing again.”

🌟 Motivational Quotes to Reinforce Learning

“Your values are the blueprint of the life you are meant to live.”

“When you honor your values, you honor yourself.”

How Core Values Shape Decisions, Relationships & Happiness

Understanding how to identify my core values is only the first step.
The real power comes from USING them.

Here’s how values influence every aspect of life:

1. Decision Making

Values act like filters.
If you value freedom, you will naturally avoid micro-managed environments.

2. Career Choices

People often choose careers because of money or prestige.
But long-term satisfaction comes from alignment with values like impact, learning, or creativity.

3. Relationships

Misaligned values create friction.
Aligned values create harmony.

4. Emotional Health

Psychologists note that living against your values creates “cognitive dissonance”—a silent inner stress.

External Reference Examples

You may find deeper insights from psychology and behavioural studies here:

• Values and motivation research from Positive Psychology:
  https://positivepsychology.com
• Harvard’s work on values-based leadership:
  https://www.harvard.edu

How Core Values Directly Impact Your Life (Advanced Breakdown)

Let’s deepen your understanding.

1. Core Values Influence Identity

When people say:

• “I don’t know who I am anymore”
• “I feel lost”

…it’s often because they’ve lost connection with their values.

Identity = Values + Beliefs + Behavior

A strong sense of self comes from knowing your value foundation.

2. Core Values Shape Your Goals and Priorities

If your goals don’t match your values, you will self-sabotage.

Example:

• If your value is family, but your career goal consumes all your free time → conflict.
• If your value is creativity, but your goal is a rigid, repetitive job → burnout.

Values create sustainable goals.

3. Core Values Build Stronger Relationships

People with conflicting values can still love each other — but shared values create emotional alignment.

What matters most is:

• Respect
• Communication
• Mutual understanding
• Priority alignment
• Boundaries

These are all value-driven behaviors.

4. Core Values Reduce Stress & Anxiety

A lot of emotional stress comes from living in misalignment.

Psychologists call this “cognitive dissonance.”

Once you identify and honor your values, life begins to feel:

• Lighter
• Clearer
• More meaningful
• Less chaotic

This is why identifying values is essential for mental wellness.

5. Core Values Accelerate Decision-Making

When you know your values:

• You stop overthinking
• You stop living for approval
• You stop choosing what looks good and start choosing what feels right

Values act like a filter.

Imagine deciding between two job offers:

• One pays more but limits freedom
• One pays slightly less but offers flexibility

Your values will make the right choice clear.

The Science Behind Values (Psychology + Behaviour)

Core values aren’t just “nice ideas.”
They are rooted in behavioral science.

Here’s the science:

Self-Determination Theory (SDT)

Human motivation thrives when aligned with autonomy, competence, and relatedness — all value-driven needs.

Cognitive Dissonance Theory

Living against your values produces internal stress and confusion.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Self-actualization happens only when your actions align with your values.

Positive Psychology

Values create purpose and emotional well-being.

All of these psychological frameworks reinforce one truth:

👉 When you live your values, you live in alignment with your highest potential.

Practical Tools to Discover and Apply Your Values

Here are advanced techniques used in coaching, therapy, and leadership development.

1. Value Journaling

Daily prompts:

• Did I honor my values today?
• Which value guided my biggest decisions?
• Which value did I ignore?

Journaling builds awareness.

2. Values in Action (VIA) Strengths Test

This is a research-backed assessment from the VIA Institute on Character.
It helps you identify your strengths and values.

3. Life Satisfaction Mapping

Draw a circle with 8 life areas:

• Work
• Health
• Family
• Friends
• Spirituality
• Growth
• Fun
• Contribution

Rate each 1–10.
Where you’re unhappy → a value is missing.

4. The “Perfect Day” Exercise

Imagine your perfect day from morning to night.
What values appear naturally?

Freedom? Connection? Creativity? Growth?

Your imagination reveals your heart.

How to Live According to Your Values

Identifying values is step 1.
Living them is step 2.

Here’s how.

1. Translate Values Into Habits

Example:

• Value: Growth → Habit: Learn 30 mins daily
• Value: Family → Habit: No phone during dinner
• Value: Health → Habit: Exercise 4x weekly

2. Use Values as Decision Filters

Before making a decision, ask:
“Does this align with my top 5 values?”

3. Set Boundaries Based on Values

If you value:

• Peace → limit toxic environments
• Respect → no tolerance for rude behavior
• Freedom → avoid restrictive commitments

4. Evaluate Your Career Against Your Values

Misalignment = burnout
Alignment = flow

This is why so many people quit high-paying jobs—they weren’t aligned.

5. Revisit Your Values Every 6–12 Months

Values can evolve.
Re-examine them regularly.

Conclusion

Your core values are not just philosophical ideas; they are the blueprint of your identity, the compass of your decisions, and the foundation of your emotional well-being. When you discover your values, you’re not learning something new—you’re remembering who you’ve always been. And once you know them, everything begins to make sense: your choices, your patterns, your triggers, your passions, and your inner conflicts.

By following The Simple 4-Step Guide on How to Identify Your Core Values, you give yourself the power to create a life that feels aligned, meaningful, and purposeful. The clarity you gain will help you make better decisions, set stronger boundaries, build deeper relationships, and design a future that matches your true self.

Values are not goals.
They are your truth.
And when you live by your truth, life transforms.

If you haven’t already, take time today to list your peak moments, identify your triggers, extract themes, and choose your top 5–7 core values. Your life will become lighter, clearer, and more intentional.

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